her vagine was all disorganized.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize