You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
