Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
