some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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