accomplished twins. life is a go
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
