She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
