I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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