Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
