you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
