At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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