I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
