a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize