i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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