He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
