I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
