your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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