You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize