Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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