So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize