when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
