So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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