just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
