When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
they call him Oral-B. enough said
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
