i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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