The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
