If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
