Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
