The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
