I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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