Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
