why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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