I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
