you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
