I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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