i would one night stand the shit outta him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
