we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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