i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
