someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
