i think my tv is drunk
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
