so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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