guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
