your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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