i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
