4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
