Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
