They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
