You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
