butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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