Sponge bath it is.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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