He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
