i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
