fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
