Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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