ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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