I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
