im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Help. Why am I so naked?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
