dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize