he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize