my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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