I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize