I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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