im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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