i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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